Atypical diet

At 39 years of age I have to admit there were times I wished I had the physique of my high school days. I have never really been overweight, but looking in the mirror I sure would have liked to make that stomach bulge I see go away. Mission accomplished.

Except I think I shot a little too far. My cancer diet consisting of 6 rounds of chemo, a tonsillectomy, and 15 rounds of radiation have not only gotten rid of the stomach bulge, it has been so effective that I appear to be wasting away. I am down to 165 pounds as of the other night. That is coming off a high of 205 late in the chemo rounds. Forty pounds lost!! In most cases people would be jumping up and down for joy with that. Hey, my pants and shorts no longer fit me! I have to wear a belt with everything!

Except in this case, it isn't good. I am really struggling with the whole pain management, remaining active, staying healthy gig. It is really a downward spiral:

1. I don't feel good.
2. I rest to take it easy.
3. I become inactive.
4. I don't eat.
5. I lose weight.
6. I get weaker.
7. And back to #1: I don't feel good...

I am finding it hard to break this spiral. I have never had to eat to gain weight before and I am not really sure how to do it. If I were on the outside looking in on my situation, I could see myself as being one of those guys who would reply with a simple "just eat more." But it isn't that simple.

My stomach feels so small and there are various things affecting my appetite. Some foods still taste a little off, I fill up faster when I do eat, and I don't feel like eating as often as I used to. All of these cause my caloric intake to diminish to that of 5-year-old. Add to that the fact that many of the foods in my new diet just don't have that much in them when it comes to calories, it makes it even harder.

I joked about becoming a superhero like Spiderman when I was receiving my radiation treatments. This would have been the best Halloween if it had come true. But when I now look in the mirror and see the bones protruding, perhaps with the help of a little makeup, I should have gone as a skeleton.