Anticipation

Throughout Josh's experience with his noma, I've been reminded of my experiences with pregnancy and labor. I see a lot of similarities.

1. There is pain in the process. Lots of it. It's expected, a known.

2. In dealing with the pain, you go inside yourself, focusing on getting through the pain. In my labor to bring Ethan into the world, I spent time rocking in a chair in the room during contractions, completely tuning out anything that Josh said (I did listen to the nurse - selective hearing, I guess). Obviously a quick-fix pain reducer like an epidural (that takes away the "inside yourself" feeling) isn't possible for Josh. He will slug out the bad taste in his mouth, GI issues, nausea, and the I-don't-want-to-do-anything-but-lie-on-the-couch feeling all by himself. Our job is to let him get through it, providing support, massages and food as he's willing/able.

3. As much as they want to, your loved ones can't take away your pain. I understand now the helpless feeling that Josh describes while watching me in pain during labor with our two kids. I want to take away the pain, would gladly trade places with him, but alas.

4. Through the pain, you hope for a positive outcome. For pregnancy and labor: a healthy baby who will turn into a loved, loving and contributing human being. For chemo: the reduction or elimination of cancer.

Right now, Josh is mired in the thoughts of the upcoming 3rd chemo treatment on Thursday (May 13th), knowing that he's going to feel lousy for several days afterward. But we're hoping for a great outcome at the end of the suffering. Prior to the chemo treatment, he gets scans (chest CT, chest, PA & LAT) to see what effect the chemo is having on his noma. We meet with the doctor on Thursday afternoon at 3:30pm to hear the news. If the scans show no improvement or a reduction, then it's chemo as scheduled. If the scans show a worsening of his noma, we go another route.

We're anticipating Josh being in the chemo bed at 4pm on Thursday with the same dose of Cisplatin, Doxetaxel and Zometa as he's had for the other two rounds. But we hope for something even better... The lack of pain and complete stoppage of pain medication for the last two weeks has to be an excellent sign.